me

i am:
needy
jealous
intimidating
loving
terrified
strong
emotional
heartbroken
fashionable
a natural born leader
obsessed with Chuck Bass
a hopeless romantic
striving to be Holly Golightly
neurotic
beautiful
independent

i am Blair Waldorf
and i am completely okay with that.

xoxo

my life as of late

my Prince Charming <3

i have this new friend and she is pretty [and] rad

watching the imma flirt video with J.Gill

Josh's sweatshirt is keeping Justin warm

we're cute, we know

xoxo
n

it amazes me how some days in a week can be great:

and then some days just plain suck. 

spotlight

let me tell you a little about my best friend, shall i?


her name is bailey elizabeth high (other names: b, bails, schmails, smelly, mom, etc...)

we're pretty classy, no?

she wears lots of denim. she buys lots of pearls. she knows how to make me happy. sometimes she likes to wear brown & black & navy blue. boys love her. girls envy her. she is going to go to BYU. she is going to be very successful.


when i am being an idiot she knocks sense into me. when i am being irratonal she tells me. when i am in love she supports me. when i am mad, she is mad. when i want Chuy's, she wants Chuy's.


you can say we're pretty compatible.


one day she will either play at wimbledon, or be married to someone playing at wimbledon. one day she will have very pretty children.

i think she will be my best friend for the rest of forever, or at least i hope so. cause i don't want a different one. nor do i think i could find one as            

good. she really is as good as they come.

happy birthday bails. i love you

xoxo
n

15 minutes

My fifteen minutes of fame has come and gone. it started September fifteenth two thousand and ten and lasted for about two months. I was on the local Austin news station three or four times and they were all for the same thing, I was the girl who was kayaking with her dad when he died. It was headline news. People talked, school didn't matter, stake functions were like a Taylor Swift concert.. everyone wanted a piece of me. They wanted to know first hand how i was doing. How i felt. To tell me i looked thin (which by the way i didn't, i gained about twenty pounds after that day). It felt like everywhere I went there was someone that wanted to give me a hug.

Now i live in Provo Utah. No one knows who i am. No one cares that i have serious emotional problems and am too instable for my own good. No one cares and i think i like it better like this. I am not a spectacle when i walk into church. I actually have to turn in assignments on time, and take tests.

But sometimes it is hard. Like today for instance, i have to take a science test tomorrow and i am not prepared at all. But i can not bring myself to open my text book. So in an effort to distract myself i ended up watching this and this on repeat for a good fifteen minutes. And now i am so numb i couldn't care less about ionic and covalent bonding. Good thing i never really wanted to pass college anyway.

n

grateful friday

so i'm sitting on the grass on the south east side of campus looking at the mountains with the steady hum of construction in the background and i just was hit with a wave of gratitude. so here it is a list of things i am grateful for right now! (in no particular order)

Zara
Brandon Davies
Brigham Young and his university
my best friend Bailey who even from a thousand miles away still seems to keep me sane
Kimmy, my roommate who thinks i am the funniest thing that has ever happened to her
Tha Carter IV
Claire Westbrook--she is truly amazing
and finally...the sun! i realize that i need to soak up the warmth of it's rays before winter consumes my life

what are you grateful for?!(speaking to my non existent blog readers)

My Arm Hair Doesn't Grow in Utah

My arm hair doesn't grow in utah. That's weird

A girl in the bathroom just told me that she didn't expect everyone at BYU to be "so Mormon"..what did you expect? Sodom and Gomorrah? that's weird.

Despite how alone I am, I actually feel quite un-alone. That's weird

Tomorrow I am going to study. That's weird

I go to college. That's weird.

My dad has almost been dead for a year. That's weird.

I miss Joseph. That's weird.

I'm not hungry. That's weird.

I think the Gibbs and I are friends. That's weird.

Taylor Townsend is dating Ryan Atwood. That's weird.

I miss bails. That's (not) weird (at all).

memories

Remember in season 8 of 24 when chloe became director of CTU and we were so excited?! And how much we dislike Charles Logan? And when Renee gets shot and jack is so sad? That's how I felt when you got hurt. And then Renee dies and jack is crying and they play the silent beep for the second episode in a row(cause president hassan dies in the previous episode) and then jack is sitting barefoot and bloody in the hospital, that's what I looked like at the hospital, barefoot and bloody. An intern brings him shoes and jeans and you see this change in him and he's mad as all get out! And there he goes, off to avenge Renee's death! What a G! You know, he reminds me of you! And people tell me I'm like you..does that mean I'm like Jack Bauer? Cause that'd be pretty awesome.

It's times like theese i miss you

Yesterday I got accepted to BYU (yay!!) and I am so excited! But then I think about the fact that that means in 6 months I have to move out of my house, away from my family and grow up... I have no idea where i want to live, or with who? I have no clue what I should major in or if I want to serve a mission. Don't even get me started about marriage, just the word freaks me out!

And then I remember that I don't need to have it all figured out right now. in one of my favorite movies, Twilight, their valedictorian is giving her speech at graduation and she asks all of the aforementioned questions. Her response is "Who the hell knows?!" and that is exactly how I feel. So what if I don't know,so what if I get it wrong and have to change my major. That's all part of life, right?

When I look at college in that light i see that it is not a time to be 100% perfect and make the right choice every time. College is a time to grow and learn new things and meet new people. It is a time to find yourself and learn what you like. When I look at it with that mindset, I am no longer scared...I can hardly wait!!!

5/7 of my life

Some days I wake up in areally good mood, I know it'll be a good day and most things will go my way, that happens maybe 2 days a week.
The other 5 days normally start with 6 alarms going off in 3 minute intervals, sleeping through seminary, and my hair not looking good. Those days are awful. Thos eare the days I think "I can't so this", these days all I want is to go back to sleep and when I wake up maybe I'll discover that the past 5 months have been a dream, that maybe, just maybe, you'll come back. And the worst part of those days is the reoccurring realization that that is not going to happen.

welcome back

i haven't blogged in close to 2 years..and i just discovered that i am the oly person that reads my blog so I now feel i can say whatever i want and no one will read it! that is until one day when i'm a famous blogger and everyone will read my blog from it's start.. but for now i just don't care..

i dont really have anything to say right now except that i am recommiting(sp?) to my blog. so i am welcoming myself back!

Welcome Back, Nikka!